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When a breach of trust created a rift in the friendship of two high school students, word quickly spread through the school. After fuelling the conflict, other students planned a fight between the boys. Despite efforts to avoid the fight, the boys were guided to an alley by 50 to 60 students. Feeling pressure and intimidation from the group, the boys fought feeling they had little other choice. With the breach of trust and the fight still defining their relationship, the two students were suspended and sent to separate schools. A referral was then made to Community Conferencing.
The following is an interview with the above high school friends following their participation in a Community Conference. For the purposes of this newsletter, we'll call them Sean and Matt. They represent how young people can resolve conflict and move forward if given the opportunity. We appreciate Sean and Matt's willingness to have their interview included as part of this newsletter. We wish them and their families the best in the future. |
When you first heard about Community Conferencing (CC) what went through your mind?
Sean: I didn't want to do it. I thought it would just be a waste of time. Then we went to this meeting and heard how each other felt and how everyone felt about the situation. That was pretty good and helped a lot.
Matt: When it first came up I just wanted to let it all out and hear everything, but I didn't think it was going to change anything. I never thought that everything would go smoothly, that we'd be friends and everything would be
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all out of the way. I thought it was too good to be true - that's just not how it works.
What made you decide to participate in the conference?
Sean: The only reason I went is because I had to. Suspension Desk told me if I wanted to get into a new school then that's what I would be required of me.
I was pretty angry that I had to go, but that's not how I felt when I got out of there, I was pretty happy.
Matt: That was my only chance to get back into my old school. Also for my parents, they wanted me to do it. You need some of that momentum. I think it was just about being mature about it; you don't want to whine and say "I don't want to go!"
Tell us about your experience with Conferencing.
Matt: I was pretty nervous about seeing everybody. Mostly I was nervous to know that there was a big circle and everyone would be listening to what I had to say. But when you see each other, you think about what you missed. That time in between the fight and the conference, we didn't see each other or look at each other. At the conference, I wasn't thinking about the negative things in the past, I was thinking of positive things and about the future. The conference made us think what we could have missed out on and what we have.
What was it like to have adult
supporters involved in the process?
Sean: At first I wondered why my parents had to be involved. Then I thought they needed to see that we were mature and we can make decisions on our own. All together we kind of resolved things between our parents as well.
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They can talk to each other rather than have that tension there because of what we had done. So that helped a lot. I was glad the Assistant Principal from my school was there. It was kind of good to show her who I really am and that there is always a story behind everything.
Matt: I think it was good because the parents got to hear both sides of the story, see the whole picture and talk to each other. Without my parents, I don't think I could have done it because when I was nervous they would calm me down. They were the ones keeping me alive and giving me suggestions. I needed some sort of help.
How have things been for you guys since the conference?
Sean: It's been pretty good. We're friends and we started hanging out a lot. We feel a lot better that it's been resolved. We're not wondering "Oh what if I run into him? What will happen?"
Matt: We're probably better friends now; I'd say it's a great success. I don't think any of this would have been settled if we didn't do a conference. I became happier in my social life and I wasn't so down from thinking a about what I had lost. Now I can call Sean up and hang out without hesitating. It's definitely a life-changing thing.
You mentioned you might even be better friends now, how did the conference contribute to that?
Sean: Like any friendship, you go through hard times, then you get over it and you get stronger. That's what the community conferencing thing did for
us. It just helped us get over this incident and move on. It strengthened us because we'll definitely try and avoid something like that ever again.
(continued on page 5)
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